Emotional Dependency

Emotional Dependency

Hi loves and welcome back to my blog.

 

No, I won’t be talking about fishing.

That will be on my next blog.

 

For now, I’ll just talk on how I’ve been feeling lately.

 

A year ago, I remember posting on Instagram saying I couldn’t see my future.

 

Well, I still can’t clearly see, but I’m trying to see the brighter side. I’ve been dealing with this anxiety for over a year now and I feel like I just became emotionally dependent to someone and have been covering the fact that I’m actually anxious and hella scared about my own future.

 

Someone told me not to think about it too much and that everything will fall into place when the right time comes.

 

To be honest, I can’t wait for things to turn how it wants to be. What if it’s not the result I wanted? It’s too scary.

 

Maybe I really am just thinking too much.

Maybe a little paranoid.

 

But I know deep in my heart that I still am carrying a burden that I couldn’t get off of me.

 

Something that no one can change.

Truth that will never be erased.

The sole thing that nobody else knows, but me.

 

Now, I said that I became emotionally dependent to someone.

This is the biggest mistake I’ve ever done so far.

 

I couldn’t find happiness on my own, and this is destroying me from being a healthy human being.

 

I do appreciate everything around me, except for me.

I appreciate things that people do for me, but I couldn’t appreciate things that I do for myself.

 

I’m happy when I make someone happy, but I couldn’t make myself be happy without doing something for someone.

 

That’s ridiculous, you might think. But it’s actually a fact.

It is hard to be emotionally dependent.

 

Yes, I know what I have to do.

But no, I don’t know where to start.

 

Maybe I just need a break from everything.

A time to myself.

Moment to stop and look around my surrounding.

And just appreciate the fact that I’m still alive and that I have a chance to change.

 

And maybe in time, I’ll be okay by my own.

その時が来たら、もしかしたら誰にも頼らず自分の足で歩けるようになるかもしれない。

その時が来たら、もしかしたら誰にも頼らず幸せを手につかむことが出来るようになるかもしれない。

 

Til my next blog,

 

 

 

Ciao.

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